FOR many people, the idea of allowing your partner to sleep with someone else is loathsome.
But for some, it’s a way to make a relationship stronger.
In such arrangements, couples choose to allow their lovers to have sex with other people. While most people keep this part of their lives under wraps, some have openly shared being in open relationships.
A swinger couple from Lawley, a township south of Jozi, said their relationship was good and they didn’t have problems.
Said the lovers, who spoke on condition of anonymity: “Our relationship has been on and off for almost five years.
“We always fight about small things that don’t even make sense and our fights are always big.
“We’d say we’re toxic for each other in a way, but don’t want to break up.
“So, we tried dating other people to see if we’ll fight less and be better or not.”
The couple said they had rules in place.
“We didn’t tell our friends about our decision because we were scared they’ll be tempted to make a move on one of us,” the lovers said.
“And we have a strict rule about not sleeping with our friends.”
Relationship expert Paula Quinsee said relationships were different for everyone.
Explained Paula: “Every relationship is different and personal to each person or couple. Some people may be open to having an open (polyamorous) relationship, while others may not. At the end of the day, it’s a personal choice.”
She said open relationships were about having an emotional connection that was different to that of the “primary” partner.
“Your primary relationship can be defined in many ways. For example, the person you live with, share expenses with, spend most of your time with while the other person(s) don’t necessarily share those elements, but can bring something different to the relationship,” said Paula.
“The key thing is that it’s clear, transparent and there are defined rules or boundaries to keep everyone involved feels safe (e.g. no sleeping with someone else in our bed/bedroom, etc).”
According to Daily Sun Paula shared these pros and cons of swing relationships.
- A variety of support from your different partners.
- Having partners with different interests to each other provides opportunities to do things with one partner that another may be disinterested in.
- Exploring your sexual fantasies and fetishes, being open to experimenting and exploring yourself and your own sexual preferences and identity.
- Learning to communicate on various levels, being mature about your own identity and managing boundaries.
- Forming an emotional connection with the other person.
- Feelings of jealousy, insecurities,
juggling time spent with each partner.
- Sexual health risk factors,
managing expectations and dealing with conflict/issues.
- Miscommunication and not having the emotional maturity to deal with an open relationship.